Prep. Reading. Results.

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be me stressing out about my lack of potential experience etc, as I’ve kind of decided to kick back and relax about that for a while. I mean, I have plans, I’ve applied to 2 different jobs that I do have experience in and would love to do, so I’m just keeping my fingers crossed at the moment with those, but in reality I realised that I was being so obsessive about looking for jobs, and trying to work out the future that I was not actually concentrating on the present. I would be looking for grad jobs whilst ignoring my deadlines, so for now I’m just doing the deadlines instead. I mean, if I don’t actually get the grades then I won’t be able to get grad jobs anyway… so in this case I think the egg really needs to come before the chicken, or something like that xD

Anyway, so as I’ve probably said this about a million times, but I only have one semester left, so I’ve decided to give it all I have. For my first semester this year I got four good 2:1s and a first, so if I just put in as much effort (if not even more) into my dissertation and final essay I will definitely be able to get the 2:1 which I have been aiming for since the beginning of this year. I’m really happy with myself as well, because it was the first time since starting uni that I managed to actually successfully complete my essays without my depression/anxiety flaring up and me having to apply for extenuating circumstances. For me, this year has really just been a brand new chapter in a book. I’ve come off my tablets, I’ve sorted out/come up with a plan for the ridiculous amount of money I spend on food, and I can finally go out by myself and not feel as if people are going to kill me. It’s just been brilliant.

But anyway, that’s not what I originally set out to do. What I actually wanted to do was talk about how I’ve actually been reading the books for my course in my break, and how I’ve managed to make myself sit down for hours reading books which I wouldn’t necessarily ever want to look at outside of uni. Again, proud Sarah here, really proud Sarah – look at me actually being able to do my work xD

So I’d like to start by saying that I probably haven’t read as much as other people, because I’ve only read 3/9 essential texts, but I’ve done a lot of reading around my dissertation and the writing in residence programme which I’ve been accepted on to, so still altogether thats about 7 books in 4 weeks, so an amazing triumph for me. The crazy thing is that I’ve actually been enjoying it, so here’s a small list of what I’ve done to kind of help myself get through the hundreds and hundreds of pages that I have read in the past month. I mean, in most regards it’s here so that I can look back and be like ‘oh yeah, that works, I’ll try that again,’ but you never know you might find something useful!

  1. I’ve been locking myself away from everyone.So yeah, I have become a hermit. By that I don’t mean I haven’t seen anybody else, but when I’m reading I lock myself away from everybody else, and I don’t even let them in the room. It is physically the only way I can concentrate, so it’s just a necessary thing that I’ve had to do.
  2. I’ve dedicated entire days to reading, and doing nothing elseSo for me this was the craziest thing that I worked out. I can’t concentrate on books if I have anything else planned for the day, so I planned nothing but reading for pretty much the entire month and just got on with it. Yes, it got a bit boring sometimes, but i’d just force myself on with it, and eventually I’d get to a point where I was enjoying it again. I originally tried the whole ‘work for a bit, then have fun for a bit’ but it didn’t work, as the ‘fun for a bit’ quickly just turned into me not reading for ages. Anyway, it worked for me, so I guess it should go here.
  3. Reading bits and pieces from different booksAnother thing that I found really worked was that if I was finding a specific bit of one book boring, I would then flick to another book, and pick that up until I felt like I wanted to go back to the other. I always thought that this was something that I would never be able to do, as I felt that the plots would all get mangled together into one super book which was basically one massive soap opera of all the different books, but that didn’t happen, and it really helped me to get through the list that I have to cover before going back next week. I mean, right now I’m also reading another two books, so I alternate them as I feel, and it leaves me not feeling bored of one specific writing style.

Again, I have no idea what this post was about. Basically I can read, and I’m happy with my first semester results.

Until next time,

 

Sarah xx

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Internships/ Jobs/ Future Life Goals

Just to start, here is my current twitter status. I feel it sums this post up pretty well:

Screen Shot 2016-01-23 at 23.23.07

So for the past couple of months I’ve been trying really hard to try and find internships or student jobs for after I finish uni, and I’ve kind of only just found out how hard this is going to actually be. Like, I’ve been working since I was 14, so I was kind of like, I’ll be able to get a job. I’ve never not had a job, so surely this will be easy…. turns out I was completely wrong!

I feel like one of the main issues is that I’ve always been told that any kind of job builds up experience, so I’ve been happily/unhappily working in a shop, or waitressing or cleaning, thinking that it will look good on my CV, whereas in reality when looking at copy/content writing, this blog (as in technically my diary) is actually a better measure of my writing ability. Well thats what it seems like that anyway… and to me when first starting my job search, it seemed crazy, because in some regards surely my degree could show that I can write, and my previous work experience can vouch that I’m hard-working and that I pick up new skills quickly. Anyway, that’s how I was thinking when I started my job searching, but now I really do understand why you need experience in a field. I mean, when actually thinking about the job roles which I fulfilled before, being able to slice bread or clean a room really well doesn’t mean that I’m going to be able to write an amazing slogan for a product, or write a blog post, and with my degree, English is such an all encompassing degree that there’s no way that I’ve covered even half of what ‘writing’ is. So, I’m not annoyed, I’m just scared, and kind of weirdly surprised that I’m in that large pool of people who need experience, but can’t get somebody to give me a chance to get the experience.

So right now, I’m now in a situation where I’m trying to get work experience, and suddenly it all seems really last minute and unprepared. I mean, I’ve had all my life (or at least 6 years) to try and get some, and the fact that I’ve now got only 4 months until I finish uni suddenly makes me feel as if I just don’t have time to do everything to make me stand out against all the other candidates for the jobs.  I mean, I’ve maxed out my C.V. and contacted some local advertising agencies asking for work experience, but now it’s just a waiting game, I just hope that I haven’t left it too long to be able to actually find someone to take me on…

Again, that’s all I really have to say. Hopefully I’ll get a reply from one of my emails and somebody will want me to do some work experience with them…

Fingers crossed,

Sarah xx

 

 

 

 

The Big Scary F Word…

Well now I’m in third year I’m constantly thinking about the same thing over and over again. By this, I’m talking about the future. That word that people in the first and second year kind of always talk about, but we never really expected to come around so fast. I thought I had it all sorted out, that I would just wait this degree out and then go and teach at a primary school. Then uni happened, and I suddenly understood that that wasn’t really what I wanted to do. I suddenly refound my love for writing etc, that I had constantly pushed aside out of fear. I really wanted to do my own thing.

In reality my dreams of being a teacher had probably been mainly down to looking back at the people I had admired when I was younger, and how I wanted to be like them when I grew up. Well, that and the fact that I just wanted to go back to school, and just play heads down thumbs up with all the children. The whole idea of actually being the grown up in the room terrified me, and when I asked lots of people, they just couldn’t imagine me being a teacher. It was about then that I decided to try and work out what else I would do with my life. This is an issue that I’m still trying to face now, and it’s getting to a point where in my head I need to decide like right this minute, and actually stick to it. I swear it shouldn’t be this hard. I speak to all my friends, and they’re just like ‘I’ll think about it later” but that just doesn’t work for me. If I don’t have a long-time/mid-term plan it stresses me to the point where I can sleep at night, and I just turn into a zombie.

I mean, I kind of have the idea that I can do anything I put my mind to, but at the same time I worry about this continuously. I mean, I’m very good at starting things, but I’m never really good at finishing them. I mean, I mentioned in an earlier post that I would love to do music or writing YA for a living, but really I’m worried that I won’t actually be able to ever do this, as I still doubt myself so much. It’s like there’s this devil continuously on my shoulder just telling me that I won’t ever be able to do that. I mean, I have stories to tell, I just find the sitting down and actually writing it all a very difficult thing to do, because of the whingy spoilt brat which my brain has turned into. It wants to know how this is exactly going to help me with my life, and just continuously asks for proof that it will do what I’m hoping it will. Unless I can do both of those things, it just won’t go away.

I worry constantly that I’m not as good as everybody else, and peer review just stresses me out even more, as I can clearly see that I’m not as good as everybody else. Anyway, that’s not really where I’m going with this.

I just wish I could have a clear idea of what I will do in the future, or to just forget about the fact that the future even exists. Grr… I might as well try to get to sleep, because it’s not like I’m actually going to find the answer writing things on this blog.

Sarah…